Life Again?: How to survive Election Night

The election is finally upon us. Dread is setting in for some, while others are giddy like children on Christmas Eve. Whatever you’re feeling, here’s a guide on how to get through Election Night.

Note: I’m not responsible for any injuries that may occur following this completely nonsense list.

1. Don’t watch it — Spare yourself the hours of inconsequential numbers. More than likely, a winner won’t be declared on Tuesday night.

2. Watch it, but keep copious amounts of alcohol available — This one will be me. It’s also self-explanatory.

3. Workout — Hit the gym and get that new PR. No one ever gained muscle from sitting on the couch.

4. Work an extra shift — Not only will you earn extra paper, but you’ll still have work the next day regardless of who wins.

5. Play a board game — You’ve probably been doing this one for a little while during the pandemic, so one more game of Monopoly, UNO or Cards Against Humanity won’t hurt.

6. Marie Kondo your closet finally — You know you own the book and are one of the millions of viewers searching for the videos on YouTube. Just do it.

7. Turn the election into a drinking game — Every time someone says “...election of our lifetime” or “soul of our nation” take a drink. Don’t make it too easy like “sleepy” or “orange” because you’ll be sloshed in five minutes.

8. Wager some money — With a friend, bet on which states will end up blue and which will be red. Double the cash on swing states.

9. Call an old friend — What better way to spend a couple hours than connecting with that college buddy or former co-worker or childhood companion. Just don’t talk about the election.

10. Pretend you’re up for election — What would you say if you won on Election Night? What would your concession speech be? On second thought, this might be the least desirable one.

11. Start decorating for Thanksgiving — I know, most of you already have your Christmas tree up, but give the Turkey its day.

12. Binge a new show — Whatever your preferred streaming service is, Netflix, HBO Max, Hulu, etc., make time for that show you’ve been wanting to watch. I recommend “You,” “Euphoria” or “The Mandalorian.”

These are just a couple of suggestions that came off the top of my mind. If you have a better idea, let me know. However you’re spending Election Night, I encourage you to enjoy yourself and stay sane. At the end of the day, America will continue to live on regardless of who sits in the White House.

Noe Garcia can be reached at (559) 583-2431 or Follow Noe on Twitter at @noecarlosgarcia.

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