Here it is — The moment we’ve all been waiting for.
It’s a moment that some of us have already experienced twice and will undoubtedly experience a few more times – the conclusion of “Star Wars.”
There’s a strange feeling around this “Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker.” After the sugary sweet nostalgia overdose of “The Force Awakens” and the divisive “Last Jedi,” fans are wondering what kind of “Star Wars” will this new one be?
Will we get what was essentially a remake as with “Force Awakens?” Or will we get a subversion of our every expectation even at the cost of coherent storytelling as with “Last Jedi?”
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We can only be certain that fans on social media will be either performatively disappointed or elated either way.
Trailers and commercials have been tight-lipped about the plot of the film — other than completely spoiling the return of Emperor Palpatine for some reason – so it’s anyone’s guess as to what happens in the movie.
So I’m going to guess what happens in the movie. Here are my “Rise of Skywalker” predictions.
- Baby Yoda, the star of the Disney+ show “The Mandalorian” and every meme on Facebook, will make some kind of appearance. I’m sure Disney execs realized a Baby Yoda would be a hit early enough into production to squeeze him in somewhere. Although, since “The Mandalorian” is prequel, will we see Teenager Yoda in this? A hormonal and rebellious Yoda that listens to Yungblud? I hope so.
- A sincere and touching send-off for Leia, Chewbacca, Luke, Lando and all the characters we love.
- Finn will develop some kind of personality.
- Some new, never-before-seen Force power will be used.
- Something from “Last Jedi” will get retconned. Fans weren’t happy that Rey’s parents were “nobodies” according to villain Kylo Ren. Fans didn’t care for Luke’s anticlimactic anti-heroism. Something from “Last Jedi” will get overturned.
- The Resistance’s plan will fail because of a parking violation (oh wait, that did happen in the last one.)
- General Hux will get a cool bad guy moment. Hux, played by the brilliant Domhnall Gleeson is an understated but stand-out part of the new movies. His character isn’t a Jedi, he’s not someone’s kid, he’s not magical. He’s just an angry general who wants to win a war and oppress the galaxy. His villainy is fun to watch and I think he’ll finally get a scene-stealing moment.
- Darth Vader or Darth Maul will show up to tease another trilogy.
- The Millennium Falcon will get some kind of upgrade. The war will look grim for the Resistance and then the famed spaceship will zoom into frame and a character will say something like, “With the Falcon’s new [insert feature here], we can win!”
- C-3PO will become a war machine. This one’s cheating, as the famed droid was spotted with a gun in a possibly-fake leaked poster for the film, but I think C-3PO becoming a super soldier is a funny idea and it might finally explain his mysterious new red arm.
- It will be explained why there’s even still an Empire and a Resistance despite the fact that Luke, Leia and Han beat the Empire way back in the 1980s. The fact that it’s never been explained why the stars are still at war negates the emotional jubilation we all shared when the Ewoks played that celebratory music on Endor at the end of “Return of the Jedi.” They have to explain why the war wages on, right? Or maybe no one cares but me, I guess.
- Porgs. There will be like 30 porgs in this.