Brett Favre, you are like the ex who dumped us, and now that we're moving on with someone else, suddenly want us to take you back. We want to give in to you, of course. You're the one everybody wants. You made us happier than anyone else ever has. But we just can't deal with all this uncertainty. Our relationship is over.

You called it quits and forced us to find someone new. We're looking to the future now, not seeking to rekindle old flames. We aren't mere playthings you can embrace and then discard at your whim. We are Packer Nation, and we -- despite our beer guts and blaze orange wardrobes -- have our pride.

Four months after Black Tuesday, when you tearfully announced your retirement from football, we learned that you've been having second ... and third ... and possible fourth thoughts. You told the team brass you wanted to come back, but then changed your mind. Then a few weeks later, you said you had an "itch" to play again. (Maybe you should put some lotion on that.) When the Packers, who had turned over the team to heir apparent Aaron Rodgers during offseason workouts, were less than receptive, you asked for your release.

Fans from Bayfield to Beloit don't know what to make of this situation. We know you give Green Bay its best chance to win next year, but you're holding the team hostage with all this flip-flopping. No player, not even a three-time NFL most valuable player, is bigger than the Green Bay Packers.

The general manager hopes you change your mind again and decide to remain seated on your lawn tractor in Mississippi. The brass seems intent on starting a new era with Rodgers, but they can't force you to remain retired. If you opt to come back, Green Bay will have three options: Reinstate you to the roster, trade you to another team or release you.

The first option is problematic because it would force Rodgers to sit for a fourth straight season. Trading you would be a public relations nightmare. And if Packers fans think that option looks ugly, the third choice could result in you signing with any team looking for a quarterback -- and those include the archrival Chicago Bears and Minnesota Vikings.

Watching our beloved Brett wear navy and orange? Most Packers fans would rather lick the handrails on the L. And how about the prospect of No. 4 showing up for his jersey retirement ceremony on opening night at Lambeau Field this fall wearing the hated purple? There isn't enough Leinie's (beer) in Chippewa Falls to ease that kind of pain.

I know most fans want you back. After all, you played great last year, nearly leading the NFL's youngest team to the Super Bowl. Plus, half the guys in the state have man-crushes on No. 4. We all slipped into a deep funk after Black Tuesday. Now we have an idea what it's like to be Detroit Lions fans.

I'm part of the minority that wants you to stay retired. I wanted you back after last season and was surprised you retired, but now I don't want you to come back. I could say it's because I would feel bad for Rodgers. Or because I'm concerned you could tarnish your legacy by playing poorly. But I don't really care about any of that.

The real reason is that I don't want to get hurt again. I went through the anguish of Black Tuesday and recovered. Now that I've mourned your retirement and accepted a future under Rodgers, I don't want to go through it all again.

Getting over someone special is difficult. Once you've completed that grueling process, the last thing you want to do is reopen old wounds.

You might think getting back together will be great, and it might be for a while. But that happiness will be short-lived, and in the end the object of your affection will depart again, leaving you to pick up the shards of your pride. One last Super Bowl run is a possibility, but another Black Tuesday is a certainty.

You took us to great heights, Brett, but we hope you'll accept that we've moved on. We would love to take you back, but we just can't risk the heartbreak.

Ben Bromley admits to having a man-crush on Brett Favre. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Contact the columnist at bbromley@capitalnewspapers.com

(July 17, 2008)